I went south.

I have been out of town since Thursday morning to attend the Kenneth Burke Conference at Clemson University. Who is K. Burke? It is complicated. He is hard. I don’t really study his work. I wrote one paper. I got in. So I showed up. This is that journey.

Lars and I are poor graduate students, so we drove 10 hours to Clemson University.

On long drives, we always plan to make fun culinary stops. On this trip we stopped at Blue Dog Bakery in Louisville, KY. It was perfect because it was well rated on Yelp and we could get food to go. I ordered the salami sandwich, which came in three components with a different type of salami on each. The sandwiches were also covered with provolone, argula, and this delicious walnut pesto. It was the perfect sandwich and one I hope to recreate soon.

I also got Lars and I chocolate chip cookies to go. Props to Blue Dog; I loved the cookies. They were crunchy and soft. Yum.

The trip started off sunny, but soon after we left Louisville it stormed hard.

It stormed most of the trip and each mile became even more mountainous. We pulled over immediately (in Tennessee) and had dinner…at Wendy’s. I rarely eat at fast food, but our options were limited. I ordered the Spicy Chicken Caesar Salad, because it was only 450 calories. I didn’t know it was going to be breaded, but it was and it was surprisingly good.  

After our impromptu dinner, I explored the attached gas station. Odd stuff, I say. 

At 10 PM, we finally arrived at our hotel in Clemson, SC. I brewed some hotel coffee. grabbed an energy bar, and immediately got to work. I was presenting the next day (Friday) at 10:30 and I was uber stressed.

Friday

We woke up early Friday morning and grabbed some “free” hotel breakfast before my presentation. I ate a cardboard bagel and Lars ate a pancake FROM THE FUTURE. On this pancake machine you press “power” and it shoots out pancakes like a printer.

The presentation went as well as it could and I was thrilled to be done with it. To celebrate we went to Clemson’s “only 5 star restaurant.” It was called Brioso Fresh Pasta, but I call it a “somewhat fancy Fazoli’s.” This place wasn’t good.

I ordered their sundried tomato and guoda stuffed ravioli. Sounds promising, right? I could have done better .

Also, the bread served with the meal tasted like cardboard. I never wanted a Fazoli’s breadstick so much in my life.

For dinner, Lars and I took advantage of the conference’s food. We ate outside on a pavilion next to the lake. We enjoyed food such as bbq ribs, bbq chicken, corn, fresh fruit, rolls, and blondies. Yum, yum. Fun.

Saturday and Sunday was a blur and I am just so tired describing Thursday and Friday alone. Hope your Memorial weekend was fantastic!!!!

Coming out of the haze…

This last week has been a hot mess. I have been drugged for most of it, so I cannot recount most of the details. I’m feeling much better and I am thrilled about the week ahead. School has been demanding. Along with taking a course about teaching composition, I have two graduate seminars: Environmental Rhetoric and Empirical Research. My classes are great, but my reading load is ridic. And my own students? Well, they are certainly the most sassy class I have ever taught. Being sick on top of all of that made life hard. I am ready to take on this week with full force. I need to get my shit together. For real.

In other news: I had success antique shopping this weekend. It was fun, since my apartment hunting is done. I do not know where I am living, because the landlord needs to work some things out. BUT, the two places the landlord said he is giving me and this other tenant are great. So, it is just a matter of which one out of the two. I am sure either place will be awesome with my antique finds! Holler. (Did any of that apartment stuff make since? Maybe I’m still drugged…)

I love robots. The one above is an antique toy that still walks. So, that is cool. And, I found this old Hollywood framed picture. I’m going to lie and tell guests she is my great grandmother.

Well, back to the point of the blog. For dinner, I kept it simple.

Yeah, I just boiled Buitoni’s Whole Wheat Three Cheese Tortellini, warmed up some pasta sauce, and shredded some cheese. Although, it was awesome and I am lazy. I also opened a bottle of wine. I’m like a serious chef today.

After all that work in the kitchen, I am going to drink my wine and watch The Bachelor. These girls are whack.

Look forward to catching up on y’all blogs. Sorry if you get drunk comments.

When Life Gives You Lemons

I have been missing from the blog world lately, but I’ve been missing from the real world too. Life has been rough, boring, and stressful. So, I’ve been keeping to myself. To make matters worse, Lars is on the job market. He and I will be living states apart for four years. Then when I finish my PhD, we have to figure out how we can work at the same university. Or one of us has to drop everything and follow the other. It is complicated and annoying. He has been traveling a lot for campus visits, so I have gotten the taste of being alone and I hate it.

Complicated.

Lemons are not complicated, though. That is why I like them. I love how many things you can make with one lemon. For example, I made two Cooking Light dishes recently. They both rocked.

First, I made Lemony Chicken Saltimbocca. It is more beautiful on the Cooking Light site, but only because I couldn’t find fresh whole sage leaves. I had to use the dry sage stuff, but found it was still delicious. The chicken was wrapped in prosciutto, which Lars is a fan of. I was a big fan of the lemony sauce. I recommend serving it with a whole wheat long pasta; it soaks up the juices.

The same lemon I used for dinner made some delicious Lemon-Cornmeal Cookies. I loved these cookies. LOVED.

What is your favorite thing to do with a lemon?

Well, I have to read more articles. Have a great Monday!

Paranormal Activity

Have you ever seen the show Ghost Adventures on The Travel Channel? Well you should, because it is hilarious. Zak from the Jersey Shore (I actually don’t know where he is originally from, but work with me here) and his crew travel the nation and pick fights with evil spirits. I’m not joking. He yells at them and asks them to come and get him. Sometimes he yells to the dead that did not know a word of English  while alive, in English. Do non-English speakers get English language proficiency skills when they become a ghost? Here is your bed sheet, Mr. Ghost, and your Rosetta Stone. Plus, their “science” is funny. They had an episode where they used this stupid machine that could “catch spirits.” It looked like a machine from Chucky Cheese.

Anyway. Here is a clip if you are interested.

I mean look at these guys. So funny.

So, I’ve been watching a marathon of this. Even though I watch it because I think it is hilarious, I think it is a horrible idea to watch it when you live in an old home. Let me explain…

The other night Lars had a meeting. I was watching some crappy reality television and grading on the couch. I kept hearing this door creaking. Finally, I decided to go investigate. The attic door had opened on its own! I understand this may have been nothing, but our attic is scary–torture chamber scary–with secret doors and stuff. So, I ran out of the house and wouldn’t go back in until Lars got home. Overreact much?

Since my house is spooky, I decided to create a spooky meal: Dracula’s Revenge from Cooking Light. I’m not joking; that is the name. Dracula’s Revenge is a baked penne dish with sausage and garlic. It calls for a sweet turkey sausage, but we used Spicy, because Dracula is a little wimp and we don’t care for threats of revenge. Bring it. We also used whole wheat penne instead.

Sorry the pictures blows. We cooked at night, because you cannot cook/eat Dracula's Revenge in the daylight. Right?

Maybe the attic monster wanted to mess with me, because the dish didn’t turn out as great as I wanted. Lars loved it.

The recipe calls for 2 garlic bulbs. You roast them for an hour and squeeze the juices out, which is fun. It is like popping a zit. To much information, I know. But, accurate information.

The dish needs work. I mean…maybe I screwed up? I haven’t been on my cooking game lately. I’ve been reading so much my eyes hurt. Lars ate it, though. Boy, did he eat it. Overall, I think it needed more garlic. “Yeah, that is right Dracula! Come get me! Yeah! Come on!”

Crazy Lady/Kitchen Lady

I am having one of those weeks where you work hard, then look around, and feel as if you got nothing accomplished. The final days of summer of whipping past me. I have to start class soon at a new school. I have to teach soon. I have no idea what I’m teaching these poor freshmen. One student already emailed me asking what textbook we are using. I don’t freaking know. I don’t even know what day it is.

Anyway, it has been a complicated week, but a fun one. I am starting to love the place and it is slowly coming together. I love our neighborhood and my English colleagues. I just hope I can get everything settled with the house before the school workload hits me like a ton of bricks.

Although I have been a crazy lady, I have also been a kitchen lady. I wanted to share some recipes from the past few days.

Amorelli with Spinach, Garbanzo Beans, and Feta

Adapted from Cooking Light

Just mix these delicious ingredients together, and then feel free to top with freshly ground pepper. It makes 12 servings, which means lunch for the rest of the week for me. Holler!

• 8 cups coarsely chopped spinach
• 8 cups hot cooked amorelli
• 1 cup crumbed low fat feta cheese
• 1/4 cup olive oil
• 2 tbsp fresh lemon juice
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 1/2 tsp black pepper
• 2 (19-ounce) cans garbanzo beans
• 4 garlic cloves, crushed

This pasta is what 5th-grade-Ashley would call “tight.”

A perfect summer pasta. It tastes great cold, also.

You know what else tastes great hot and cold? Blondies. I found a recipe for Blondies, infinitely adaptable on Smitten Kitchen. I tried these in two ways and created Chocolate Peanut Butter Blondies, and my favorite: Chocolate, Banana, and Pecan Blondies.

Ashley’s Blondies Adventure

• 8 tbsp butter, melted
• 1 cup brown sugar
• 1 egg
• 1 tsp vanilla
• pinch salt
• 1 cup all-purpose flour

1. Butter an 8×8 pan
2. Mix butter and brown sugar, then egg, then vanilla.
3. Add salt, stir in flour. Mix in additions (see below).
4. Pour in pan. Bake at 350 degrees F for 20-25 minutes. Cool on rack, then cut away.

Additions

Chocolate Peanut Butter Blondies: 1/2 cup dark chocolate chips, 1/2 cup semi-sweet chips, 1/2 cup peanut butter chips

Chocolate, Banana, and Pecan Blondies: 1/2 cup toasted pecans, 1/2 cup dark chocolate chips, 1/2 cup mashed banana (about 1 banana); feel free to add more chocolate chips

Best Chocolate Chips EVER!

The banana added a great texture to the blondies.

Lastly, Lars and I finally tried the Gluten Free Pizza Crust Mix I won from Tamara @ The Amateur Nutritionist. Thanks again, Tamara! Lars and I brushed it with olive oil, topped it with fresh mozzarella and baked it. Then when out of the oven, we topped it with salt, pepper, and basil. Delicious. Lars and I finished this baby off.  I don’t follow a gluten free diet, but I would definitely buy this crust again! It was easy to make, too. And this week, I need easy.

Okay party people, I must go. I NEED to catch up on y’all’s blogs. Hopefully I get internet at the new place soon. I’m going bonkers.

Best Friends and a Restaurant Rant

Whew! I’m tired. We got back from Bloomington, IL at 4 AM. It was totally worth it, though. It was great to see my friends, Josh and Robert!

We had a 2 1/2 hour car ride, so I brought healthy snacks (apple slices and carrots) and bought an iced coffee before hitting the road.

Now, we got to Bloomington fine. We were early (we forgot about the time change), but wanted to find the restaurant first. We drove for 30 minutes with no success. Lars and I were starving. When Lars is hungry he turns into The Blonde Hulk. Luckily, we found a Great Harvest Bread Company! And, I found flavored whole wheat pasta. The pasta was not made by Great Harvest, but was made locally. Cannot wait to try it! Lars got a scone. Well it isn’t a scone by definition, but a pile of soft chocolate chip goodness. I helped him eat it. Delicious.

With Great Harvest directions, we hit the road to find the restaurant. We ended up here at some point:

We finally made it. I was a little grumpy and flustered at this point, so I ordered a wine. The server asked for my ID.

Server: Oh, you’re from Indiana…I can’t serve you.

Me: (realizing it is a bad joke and annoyed) Well I’m in Illinois, so I need a glass of wine.

Server: Good point.

Point: Ashley. I love Illinois, but only slammed it to get my freaking wine already.

For dinner, I ordered steak. I was given a choice of three sides. I picked cream of asparagus soup, broccoli, and mashed sweet potatoes. Sounds good? No. Here we go. The soup was excellent. Major props on the soup! I ordered the steak medium, and it came very well done. It tasted like hamburger. The broccoli was watery. The worst was the sweet potato mush a.k.a. Gingerbread Feces. I know, I know. That is a gross description, but an accurate one. It had the consistency of apple sauce. It tasted like a Christmas candle. It was way too sweet.

Dear trying-to-be-classy-but-is-tacky restaurant,

I recommend watching Gordon Ramsey’s Kitchen Nightmares (the British version because it is much more pleasant). He says to keep it simple. Sweet Potatoes, when fresh and especially local, taste good alone. Sure, you can add some “jazz.” You can mash them, slice them, fry them…whatever. But, when you decide to be all “creative” (I mean, pretentious) and make them high brow when you don’t know the basics, you end up ruining them. Plus, I know you are trying to cover up the fact that they are not fresh. You cannot fool me. I know what veggies taste like. Also, my watery broccoli? I have that same effect when I buy them from the freezer aisle. Bring out the natural taste of my veggies, don’t hide it under crap. I wish only the best for you.

Respectfully,

Ashley

P.S. When I got lost, I ran into a corn field. I know you have veggies around. Go local.

My friends ordered fish and pasta, and they liked it. Essentially, this is one (bitter) opinion. The Yelp-ers rated it high.

Afterwards, we hit up the Starbucks and drank coffee/tea and ate my peanut butter cookies. They loved them! We shut down the place (and sat even longer outside after it closed). It was great to catch up! I love these guys!

Pasta and Virgins

Do you like pasta? Wow, so do I! I’m no pasta virgin, fo sho!

Lars and I prepared a pasta dish inspired by Cooking Light. We basically mixed the following ingredients together.

• 3 sliced-links of Trader Joe’s Garlic Chicken Sausage
• 4 cups of whole wheat cooked penne pasta
• 4 cups-ish of grape tomatoes
• 2 tbsp of extra virgin olive oil
• 2 tbsp of capers
• 1/3 cup sliced fresh basil
• 2 minced garlic cloves
• 1/2 tsp crushed red pepper
• 1/2 tsp ground pepper
• 3/4 tsp salt

It was a refreshing summer combo. Lars also recommends adding balsamic vinegar for an extra kick! I might add artichoke hearts next time!

This pasta paired well with my Charles Shaw Merlot from Trader Joe’s. Always keeping it classy with the 3-Buck Chuck. Kathy Griffin’s mother would be proud!

Lars and I will spend the rest of the evening watching Netflix (mostly MST3K), while he grades and I blog/read. My book on the history of virginity is BALLER. It is interesting to see how much medieval diseases were linked to virginity, when it was actually malnutrition. Maybe I’ll explain further in another post.

What is your go-to pasta ingredient?

Birthday, Part 2: Drink, drink, drink…

Thanks for all the supportive comments about my cake! I love y’all.

Since today is my birthday, my family took me out to dinner to my favorite restaurant in Broad Ripple (Indianapolis): Ambrosia. It is a really great Italian restaurant. Anyway, as you may have read before: I drink at family dinners. And, I drank some wine. So, I may be writing this post a bit tipsy, but I’m not the first. My dad starting talking about politics, my sister realized she had made out with the waiter, and my mom kept talking…drink…drink…drink.

We started off with some bruschetta. I wasn’t drunk yet, but I was having issues with my flash. So, we’ll pass on that worthless picture.

Shabam! Welcome to the best pasta dish ever! I ordered this penne pasta tossed with olive oil, roasted chicken, artichokes, capers, basil, and sun dried tomatoes. After every bite I moaned. My family gave the usual perplexed glances…drink…drink….drink….

This is the best pasta I have ever had. No joke. I may say this next week, but it was good.

I better get off wordpress before I start confessing things…like I just had a piece of awesome cake…my cake!

Have a great night ladies!